I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
