forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
