dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
