Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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