I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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