By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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