I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
