I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That's when you crack a 10am beer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
