Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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