We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drake has all the answers
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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