Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
