apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize