is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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