I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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