Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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