I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
