Quick, to the slutcave!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
