I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
