It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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