Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
