Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
