Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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