remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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