marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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