He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
