Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
