Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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