How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
