Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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