you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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