dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
