You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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