so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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