It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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