This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
