...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize