Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
