So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
