'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
