I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
