hotel room ftw
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
