Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
