Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
