OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize