im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
