She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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