No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
