She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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