It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
