Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
