the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've blown a few things in my day
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
