Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
