i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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