we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
