I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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