her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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