If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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