Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
