she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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