Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
