Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
