Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's blow job season.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
