RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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