You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's never too late to be topless.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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