you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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