Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
