I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
