Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
