Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you didnt know i had herpes?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
