i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
