If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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