So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
