I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
