im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
