I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
