he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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