She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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