you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Where is the hickey?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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