Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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