Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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