I seem to have left my pride at pride
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
