You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
