Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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