it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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